𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥...

I shared this in a group yesterday, and then realized I haven't even told it here yet! It's a little bit of a long story, but I find it all quite remarkable, so I'm going to risk boring you in order to tell it. Haha!

I had a lot of people tell me I should write a book about grief, but for a long, long time it was just this big abstract idea. How do you even write a book about the death of a child? It's such a big experience that is enmeshed with every single aspect of your life. Who would you even be writing it for, and how would you organize it to make it worthwhile for anyone else to read?

Then one day I was talking to a cousin who is known to have dreams that sometimes mean something and she casually said to me, "𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬." I laughed, I couldn't come up with how to write one, let alone 3, and jokingly asked her,"𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘢 𝘵𝘪𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶?" She said, "𝘕𝘰, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘦𝘹𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘈 𝘛𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘗𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴." This is based on an analogy for grief that I've used that in the beginning, it feels like someone dropped a thousand pounds on your chest--you can't think, or breathe, or move. It is completely crushing and all-consuming. It's not a weight that goes away, but rather is one that you learn to carry.

𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨. As soon as I had a working title for the book, I sat down that afternoon and outlined the whole thing. I knew exactly what to write and what that story would look like.

Normally, once I start a project, I want to jump in with both feet and finish it as quickly as possible. This time I felt very called to write slowly, in a way that was not going to be disruptive to family life... btw, this is the most inefficient way to write a book ever! lol. But I stuck to what I felt called to.

Then as I was about 2/3 the way through writing and just trying to learn what I needed to know about finding a literary agent and a publisher. It was about that point that I had a random, sudden overlap of ideas and the thought for another book I wanted to write, and the perfect guy to co-author this book with. So, on a complete whim, I emailed this guy at @CatholicPsych Institute (who is prominent enough in his circles that I probably had no business even sending him the pitch). Anyway, he unexpectedly and kindly replied, asking me more about what I was thinking. I shared with him a few sample chapters of what I had been working on.

He said, "𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭...𝘸𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩. 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘷𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘢𝘭?"

WHAT?! From what I was reading, landing a publisher might be the most painful part of book writing and this publisher just fell in my lap!

THEN...

The publishing team hired an editor for me to start working with. We had been working together for months when we got to the part where I was talking about how dragonflies have become a meaningful symbol of our son to us and how they show up in the most random places at the most perfect times. The editor told me dragonflies were important in her home too (for different reasons) but also that the company she worked for is called 𝘋𝘙𝘈𝘎𝘖𝘕𝘍𝘓𝘠 𝘌𝘋𝘐𝘛𝘖𝘙𝘐𝘈𝘓. You have got to be kidding me?!

Then we had a very long pause in the preparation of the manuscript as the new publishing press was wrapping up other projects and restructuring some aspects of the business. I couldn't help but think that there was divine purpose behind this pause too.

So as we were finally ready to wrap up the final stages of preparing the book for publishing, the team hired a new member (for a branch of their business that had nothing to do with the publishing arm) and she happened to mention in her interview that she had publishing experience. She became an EXTRAORDINARY asset in the final edits, preparations, and design of the book. (and it happened to be a book that was deeply healing for her at this time of her life too).

Then as it's all ready to go, the timing of the release couldn't have been more perfect either. We opened a launch team on May 12 (the anniversary of my son's death) and planned to release the book on June 21 (his 15th birthday).

Well, Amazon is a little goofy and gives a wide window for how long it will take them to have the book ready for purchase after you submit it to them...so it was ready a few days before we had planned...missing the goal of having a publication date ON his birthday.

However, that little hiccup, in the end, turned out better than ever. Because the book could be ordered a few days early, 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 "𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺" 𝘱𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘢𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘖𝘕 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘪𝘳𝘵𝘩𝘥𝘢𝘺.

One last thing...as his birthday came to a close...the book had 15 Amazon reviews posted on his 15th birthday.

If you stuck with me this long, thank you! I'm just in awe of all those "guided" parts of how this story came together.

Sometimes you just "know" that there's something more to the "coincidences" that happen to us. I "know" that God had a purpose for me in writing this book--even if I never know the details of his design. Sometimes, those tiny everyday miracles are just too much to be ignored, and whether we understand it completely or not, we "know" He is there.

One person that I told this story to said, "Clearly you were meant to write this book, and if it was meant to be written, it was meant to be read! I'm going to get my copy right now." Haha! What a perfect reply.

If you feel the same, it's available on Amazon: Paperback, hardcover, and Kindle (Audiobook is in the works).